


kita kita (I see you)

by sheepweeps



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Emotions, Gen, Getting Together, Goshiki-Centric, How Do I Tag, basically he can see emotions through colors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:29:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25693585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sheepweeps/pseuds/sheepweeps
Summary: Tsutomu thinks that his innate desire was there all along. Looking at him with pure fervor, he was just too blind to see Shirabu.
Relationships: Goshiki Tsutomu/Shirabu Kenjirou
Comments: 8
Kudos: 46





	kita kita (I see you)

**Author's Note:**

> 9/20: I did a bit of editing (just some words i feel unfit and some minor errors)

Goshiki sees color.

This statement is generally obvious since almost the whole population can point out what color a tree’s falling leaves are or what the sky’s vast canvas hue is. However, he can probably say that what he sees is beyond the physical colors that can be seen in daily life but more of an emotional swerve of colors in a particular individual.

People would say it’s a gift, but for Goshiki, it was an invasion of someone’s privacy.

He felt a copious amount of guilt whenever he accidentally stares at someone for so long and regrettably sees a tinge of red enlightening their whole being. Anger bubbling up, with annoyance flittering their minds.

It’s difficult not to look, since he relies on everything he sees.

Feelings are hard to deal with, and so most of the time people keep it to themselves. It’s a part of who they are. It’s like a secret that can’t be shared. A thought they try to get through. If it’s sadness echoing the depths of their heart or the deep pang of love knocking them defenseless, it’s always shushed. It’s unspoken for it makes everyone feel a sense of rush that nobody but themselves know.

Who is he to mind someone’s business?

But, sometimes his own thought process stutters, and his eyes start roaming around, hoping for a sense of validation when he feels unwanted. To see something beyond his own self, a comforting sight of someone streaking vibrant colors of contentment to him.

The raven-haired man wishes that someone would look at him with sincerity. Without the need of his ability, to see their emotions vividly that can knock him senseless.

Tsutomu thinks that his innate desire was there all along. Looking at him with pure fervor, he was just too blind to see Shirabu.

He was and will forever deem it as his dense and ignorant mind.

**I. To be seen with rage, is a sight of impounding hatred.**

Red.  
He didn’t mean to pry. All he sees is scarlet taking over his vision. The ringing of his ears, the loud thump of shoes hitting the concrete floor and the sullen air strangling him made him scared.

“You didn’t come back when I told you to stay.”

Shirabu’s passive voice breaking into a scream. His leveled emotions tearing him to pieces, his mind overflowing with anger.

“You were supposed to call me, but you didn’t. You told me all is well and then what?! You left without a trace and come back after 4 years!”

He didn’t know what to say. Goshiki is unable to voice out his feelings. He doesn’t know how to utter the words of pain he felt when he lost track of everything. The urge of combusting when he lost his chance to prove to Shirabu that he was enough. That he was capable of leading the team he left behind, but he wasn’t. He dragged them to a loss. His responsibility plummeted, his shallow words had no depth.

He was edging himself too much that he had no spirit to associate with his upperclassman.

And after 4 years he still felt the sweat mixed with tears that made him give up. To arbor the unnecessary surge of pain from a competition. He wasn’t supposed to be childish but the thought of not giving his all and breaking his words of promise made him cut his contact with the people who he had supported him even after they took their leave.

It was his mistake, but he never knew how much pain it brought to the person he thought would never care that deeply.

“I’m sorry, it wasn’t my intention to bother you.” Goshiki nails digging harshly on his palm. Pain making him know that this is real.

Shirabu moved closer, his eyes full of anger. The look that made Goshiki quiver, bare eyes hinted with hatred because of what he did.

“See, this is your problem. You close up when things get heavy. You think avoiding every problem can solve everything. I call bullshit with our promise! Every win is something to look forward to, not every loss can be left unscathed but it can help you learn.”

He was right. He’s frightened of dipping himself into uncharted territory. The thought of bruising himself to an extent of being unable to accept his own choice is his manner of settling.

“It’s my fault for leaving, and I know that it was too selfish of me to make you worry. I’m sorry.”

He should’ve made things easier by accepting, to relinquish his thoughts of being capable of doing everything without failure. And so, here he was now standing in an empty room, with his vacant heart unable to meet eye to eye with Shirabu.

The heat crawling into his chest, sweat sticking on his shirt and the loud cacophony of his mind in shambles of what to say made him neglect his avoidance of sight.

Shirabu was no longer manifesting the shimmer of blood or the cheap drugstore makeup he sees.

He was reflecting orange; acceptance, trust and a small hope of warmth.

The older boy’s tired eyes were glinting with enough gladness that made Goshiki’s heart leap. Maybe he still had to think things through, to let the wound heal for some time. But, he was happy that he still had room in Shirabu’s beautiful heart.

“Just stay and I’ll forgive you.”

**II. As the sun keeps on shining, your sight will forever be mesmerizingly bright.**

Like the illumination of a traffic light signaling to slow down. The whole ordeal made Goshiki’s movement languid, his eyes widening to a full moon. He was alert of everything, the warmth of the candle was spreading, the icing melting to a lumpy mess and the face illuminated by the fire.

Shirabu was cornered by the people around him. The voices booming with care, celebrating his birthday with cheers and laughs. His small but present smile was sending a happy atmosphere in the quaint apartment at 10 in the evening.

The warm air entering the open window, the light touch of the summer breeze setting Goshiki’s heart ablaze for no reason.

Maybe it was because of his mended relationships or the light traffic he had today, or the icing smudged on an oblivious Taichi that made everything exceptionally happier.

But deep down it was because of the boy now tightly knitting his eyebrows together because of the poor blending of voices Semi and Tendou were creating.

Goshiki’s mind seemed to wander but his eyes kept on staring.

The slope of Shirabu’s nose, his frowning mouth upturning just a bit, the stray strands sticking on his ears. It was enough to make him feel fresh, it was calming really. It was like the good old days that made him appreciate even the slightest convenience the world had to offer him.

Shirabu must’ve felt his eyes, his subtle shift of his head to face Goshiki sitting near the window. He stood up trudging his shoes on the wooden planks, avoiding mishaps his old team were making. The copper-haired man, settled himself next to Goshiki, he crossed his legs and gently patted his palm on Goshiki’s leg. It was kind of there thing, a sign of reassurance that he’s still there. It was comforting to know that he’s healing, they’re healing from the illogical argument they had before.

“You know, you haven’t talked to me since you’ve gotten here.” Shirabu said with a light nudge, his voice was almost a whisper, and a slight smile playing on his lips.

“Well, I’m not the only guest here” He looked at Shirabu’s fingers fiddling on the black sweater the boy was wearing.

“But, yeah...happy 23rd birthday. You’re getting old.” Goshiki added, a plastered grin and his tired eyes staring at the dark alleyway and old buildings the window offered as a view.

Shirabu inched his way, getting closer until their legs are touching. He flicked Goshiki’s forehead causing a hiss on the younger. The cause of pain laughed lightly, and remained his eyes on the view Goshiki was looking at earlier.

“Everyone’s getting older by the day, idiot.”

Pain ceasing, he closed his eyes and brought back his grin.

“Yeah, but some say that the faster your age progresses, the softer you become. Don’t you think you’re a living proof of that?”

Shirabu hummed as an answer of acknowledgment. Letting the shouts of their friends settle between them.

Overtime Shirabu became a less rough, letting his laugh break free and even allow skinship with the people he’s close to. Goshiki thinks that maybe Shirabu didn’t change too much. The other boy just allowed himself to settle with what his heart wants. He became more in touch with his feelings, with what would make him happier. He’s still the grumpy man he came to practice with, he still said what his mind wanted to even if it’s completely negative. However, he told Goshiki his improvements in character, how nice the shirt he was wearing and even how sweet he was when he brought takeout for the two of them.

He was more sincere than before.

Shirabu’s touched not only the negative but also the positive sides of him.

“Here’s your gift. I know how much you like to wear that old sweater of yours so I bought you a new one.”

Even though giving gifts was an easy task, he can’t help but be nervous when it comes to the older opening the wrapped gift he spent 3 hours choosing from.

“Are you telling me that this sweater doesn’t look good on me.” Shirabu laughed when he took out the navy blue attire while pointing out the used up sweater he was wearing.

“Everything looks good on you, so I’d say you should thank me for adding a new article in your empty wardrobe.” He said, pouting his lips and silently huffed for a dramatic effect earning a softer laugh from the other.

“You also look good with me.” Shirabu muttered, and internally groaned from his mistake. Good thing Tendou’s laugh filtered out his sudden confession.

Goshiki mistakenly looks at Shirabu’s eyes and mentally gasps when he saw the man’s figure with his hands now touching his cheeks. His beautiful eyes contrasting the dark area they were in. The stars should be should be put to shame when they knew that the man he’s with sparkled brighter than any one of them.

He can’t help but to look at him for even just a moment.

Just like the stop sign blinking yellow, his mind slowed it’s pace, but the engine that is his heart kept on operating profusely making him stammer.

Shirabu shines yellow, his beams of warmth was contagious. Happiness can be found in the other man’s smile.

**III. The blush adorning your cheeks, is a simple way of showing you care in a different way.**

He always believes that showing concern can be shown through simple actions and that adoration takes time. Like a puzzle in which one’s self can fit with the other through sheer effort and patience to find the perfect match.

“You should’ve just replied to my texts and told me you were sleeping.” Goshiki huffed, seemingly embarrassed about barging in Shirabu’s house at the crack of dawn.

He entered Shirabu’s apartment, kicking his shoes off and arranging it neatly at his doorstep just as how his friend likes it. He felt the warm air inside and left out a sigh of relief. The November air settled on his skin sending him chills for the entire walk to the other’s home.

The older boy blinked slowly, his mind still in a haze after waking up. His hair is all mussed and clothes untidy. Both of them standing inside the room, Shirabu facing him with his tired figure, eyes closed. Goshiki waiting for the other to regain his thoughts and just stayed in place like a lost child inside the mall waiting for their parents to pick them up.

“What do you want me to do? Type out a message that I was sleeping when in fact I’m SLEEPING?” The shorter man answered after a while.

They walked their way to the beat up couch, the younger boy sat comfortably and tilted his head looking at the ceiling. White paint fading and the yellow light helping him ease his mind after a long day of practicing while getting only 5 hours of sleep.

They were both used to this. It was not a rare occasion for Goshiki to visit at 5 am to check if Shirabu was still alive or burrowing himself with a ton of lectures until he drowns. It was pleasant. A random routine they pulled of when they both knew they were in need of a break.

“Okay, it’s just I got worried whenever you don’t answer me like that one time you slept on the subway bench after studying nonstop.” He said, letting the solemn atmosphere break.

“Oh well, the bench was clearly comfy at the time.”

Shirabu stood up and made his way to make some ghastly black sludge he considers as coffee which Goshiki is clearly against of drinking. The clanking of spoon inside the mug and the noisy footsteps above the apartment made everything seem normal. But still, he felt something tense the moment he entered. Shirabu’s eyes widened before blinking slowly once he opened the door to let him come in and his hands were fiddling with hem of his white shirt while making his way for the couch awhile ago.

He didn’t want to look at Shirabu’s eyes and cheat his way on knowing what’s wrong, well, if there was something irking the other. But it’s tempting.

Tsutomu rearranged his sitting position to lie down and placed his head on the plushed pillow facing the potted indoor plant. The comfy couch made him want to melt in it and sleep for eternity.

Shirabu placed a glass of water in front of him and sat on his legs with a loud thud silently telling him to give him some space to sit on.

He folded his legs and settled his feet on the carpet and grabbed the glass to take a drink. Shirabu sat near him with a pillow placed on his lap and the mug held by his two hands.

“You know I came here since you texted me to come yesterday. So... what did you want to tell me?” He sneaked a peek to see Shirabu’s face flushed, wondering if the other man was sick.

“Nothing important really, just wanted to check on you. I didn’t expect you to come at the ass crack of dawn though.” Shirabu nonchalantly answered, his coffee still warm, small puffs of smoke escaped the vicinity of the mug.

“You sure? You’re kind of doing the “I’m pretending I’m not nervous by acting all chill even if I’m sitting like a plank” thing you do.” Goshiki tried to lighten the mood to ease Shirabu’s tense posture.

Shirabu refused to look at him, instead, he placed the cup on the table and faced himself looking at the window, not looking at his friends face like usual.

“It’s really nothing. It concerns you and me nothing less.” The copper-haired man muttered, and finally faced him and inched his way near Goshiki. His hands are fidgeting with his shirt and a sigh followed after a long pause.

“Well, lay it on me.” He said, while pretending he’s ready for what the man beside him will say.

Goshiki’s anxious to even look at Shirabu and see red or even blue surrounding his body. His mind kept on feeding him with problems that can be the cause of the trouble. He can’t count how many things painted him with doubt. Did he do something wrong?

“I like you.” Shirabu slipped his hand on the younger’s lap clearly hesitant with the action and lightly gave him a pat.

Well he didn’t expect that.

Out of all things considered, a simple phrase, a message held with such affection overtook his system and made him feel light. The air felt hot and his heart beat rapidly, his eyes crinkled with delight while his head felt like popping out. He can’t really explain it without making him stutter in his thoughts.

“Oh” And that’s all he could answer with all his thoughts swarming him.

Shirabu’s brows knitted together and his signature frown made it’s way to his mouth. The shorter man tensed again and began retreating his hand situated on the other. Worry crept on his features, his face was etched with worry and noticeably with the way his head tilted downward.

“Really? That’s your answer?”

It’s sudden and it was a blessing he didn’t expect he’d receive. Everything clicked to place with how the way they act together. The bond they formed overtime grew to something more. It was a relationship he’d never felt with anyone and he knew for a fact that he’d never replace any moment with Shirabu.

“I didn’t expect you to confess and before you even did I said “lay it on me” like a nest waiting for a hen to hatch an egg.”Goshiki with his panic induced mind said while intertwining their hands together.

“Well I didn’t expect you to come in 5 am in the morning with the sun still hiding and shit.” Shirabu laughed and playfully huffed in contrast with the frown his face was wearing earlier.

“I like you too, if that’s what you’re wondering.” He said with a lopsided grin eyeing the beautiful boy beside him and nudged lightly.

“Nice answer, it took you long enough.” Shirabu finally looked at him and their eyes met yet again.

A light hue appeared on his view, it settled between the two of them. Goshiki knew he was the only one who can see it, but that’s what made him know he holds a deep affection to the man smiling at him. He didn’t need to find him with his eyes; to know that he was cherished. He can read the other’s affection through his feelings.

He was blessed with sight and the heart to feel. Both are important and both differ from one another. Goshiki was still scared with his ability but he can’t help but stare at awe with the way Shirabu’s eyes smiled with endearment, his cheeks blushing impossibly bright and the way he gripped his hand tighter with his.

“It’s nice that you’re looking at me.” Shirabu finally after a long montage of them being looking at each other’s eyes.

Goshiki sneaked a peck on Shirabu’s forehead and tackled him to a hug. A sigh escaped from the older and he squirmed to be released but gave up after a second.

Pink is his favorite color when it comes to Shirabu. The innocent but playful mist encapsulating the both of them made him hold on tighter. They were both a perfect slot to each other and he wouldn’t want to release his embrace as early as now.

Red, orange, yellow and pink he saw all those colors with the man hugging him back.

He just blindedly made his way to Shirabu’s care to his careful touch and his patient words that drifted them both leading to a pink lovely elation.

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone did make it until the end then thank you for reading!!
> 
> I wrote this as a gift for myself so hbd to me I guess, and this also includes anyone who enjoyed reading this crazy fic too.
> 
> :-D
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/sheepweeps)


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